Dowcipy w kategorii Bus jokes
'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's full up!' 'But you must let me on!' shouted the man. 'Why, what's so special about you?' they asked. I'm the driver,' replied the man.
As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What on earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on top,' replied the man.
Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!
Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself? Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.
Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.
Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.
Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.
Have you seen the bus website? Yes - it's just the ticket!
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.
How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus.
Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ? Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !
Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell them!
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!
Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
What "bus" crossed the ocean? Columbus.
What did the bus conductor say to the frog? Hop on.
What do monsters play when they are in the bus? Squash.
What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ? The deceased !
What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.
Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.
Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn't fit through the door.
'Is everyone in the bus?' asked the driver before he closed the door. 'No,' called a lady, 'wait until I get my clothes on.' All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.
A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall.
A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There's no room,' they said. 'It's full up!' 'But you must let me on!' shouted the man. 'Why, what's so special about you?' they asked. I'm the driver,' replied the man.
As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, 'What on earth did you do that for?' 'I wanted to know if there was room on top,' replied the man.
Bus passenger: I'd like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I'm in the bus queue, aren't I?
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!
Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we'll pick up speed now you're getting off!
Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way.
Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself? Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus.
Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes. No, they don't. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.
Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn't there'll be a very big splash.
Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they're stopping to let the passengers off.
Have you seen the bus website? Yes - it's just the ticket!
How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar? Throw it under a bus.
How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus.
Janet: What's the difference between a cake and a school bus ? Jill: I don't know. Janet: I'm glad I didn't send you to pick up my birthday cake !
Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don't sell them!
Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York? Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!
Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."
Sam left work after a tiring day. 'Take the bus home,' suggested a friend. 'My mother would only make me take it back,' Sam said.
Teacher: Tommy Russell, you're late again. Tommy: Sorry, sir. It's my bus - it's always coming late. Teacher: Well, if it's late again tomorrow, catch an earlier one.
What "bus" crossed the ocean? Columbus.
What did the bus conductor say to the frog? Hop on.
What do monsters play when they are in the bus? Squash.
What do you call a bloke with a bus on his head? Dead.
What do you call a man with a double decker bus on his head ? The deceased !
What have I got in my hands? A double decker bus! You looked!
What is the difference between a bus driver and a cold? One knows the stops, the other stops the nose.
What would you get if you crossed King Kong with a skunk? I don't know but it could always get a seat on a bus!
What's the difference between a bus driver and a cold? A bus driver knows the stops, and a cold stops the nose.
When you go for a bus ride, do you like sitting upstairs or downstairs? I prefer to ride on top, but it's very hard getting the horse up the stairs.
Which end of a bus is it best to get off? It doesn't matter. Both ends stop.
Why couldn't the skeleton pay his bus fare? Because he was skint.
Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.
Why did the bus stop? Because it saw the zebra crossing.
Why didn't anyone take the school bus to school? I wouldn't fit through the door.